25184 Jeffrey Campbell has this to say to the Cadet Wing - an article for Veritas magazine

An opportunity to write for the RMC alumni magazine "Veritas" presented itself:

I am currently in Trenton working on the AERE Practical Phase (APP) 1&2 at 429 SQN (C-17s). I will soon head to CFSATE in Borden for the AERE Officer Basic Course (AOBC) which will finish in June 2016, after which I will receive my first (second) posting. I am also working on my MBA through RMC using the Individual Learning Plan.

I hail from the class of 2012. My first posting was to graduate school at Carleton University through the Post-Graduate on Scholarship program. This delayed my phase training by a few years because I did not graduate until 2014. However, PG was a smashing good time! It was well worth it in my humble estimation. Get that book learnin’ in your head while you are young.

I have to start by acknowledging how many of you must feel now.

When I arrived in first year, the college was an intimidating institution. Through the years, I became more familiar with the place and grew personally and professionally within its structure. More and more, it fell to our year to lead and shape the institution. Eventually, I felt squelched and confined within the bubble of RMC like a plant whose roots have filled its pot. I began to see RMC in the context of the real world. If this were not a common experience, there be no countdown to graduation!

Each in our own way, each starting at different times, and each with varying intensity, my colleagues and I yearned to burst the RMC bubble and graduate. At the time, these feelings were frustrating and they fed our apathy and cynicism, especially in fourth (or fifth or sixth!) year.

Now I grow in a bigger garden. I can see that a small pot forced us to grow closer together. Our roots entwined and became inseparable. In this life, happiness is a direct result of strong relationships. The connections you will have made at RMC are your treasure. RMC has made me wealthy indeed.

With the benefit of hindsight, I look back at RMC and am more aware of the advantages of having been in that pot. I had the privilege of laughing, complaining, crying, and celebrating with some of the finest men and women that I am likely ever to meet. They are not merely friends; they are family.

At this moment, I could travel almost anywhere in Canada and find a friend with whom to stay. Consider the camaraderie of the Old Brigade and you will agree that this will still be the case when I can count 30, 50, 70, or 90+ trips around the Sun. Why is this possible? When people overcome adversity together it builds a connection. For each in their own way, RMC played the role of that challenge which bonded us to one another. What was it for you? Double exam day? Extra drill for a dud-ly endeavor? Fitness frustrations? Barman blues? Shoes unshone? We have passed through these together.

A wise man told me that you will not remember much in your life except for when it involves the people around you. As you graduate, I urge the fourth years to consider not what they have gained, but who they have gained. For the rest, use the time you have left to interweave your lives with those around you and make the most of that small pot.

How to find the love of your life

What everyone wants

To be in love with someone is to have another being in this vast world to comprise one's other half. It is to live outside of oneself in a way which much be felt to be understood. Love imbues life with purpose and grants a sense of belongingness without substitute. To love is to live as two people.

Is there such a thing as 'true' love or does love come in varying hues? I will not pretend to know. In any case, love is not a constant; its feeling weans and waxes with time. How then, can one say with confidence, "This is the love for me - I have found the one," when, at times, love is such an uncertain emotional venture? In heated moments, doubt surfaces above love's rippling surface and begs the question, "What if there is someone better? What if this is not the one?"

The insight of the Marriage Problem
The secretary problem, also known as the marriage problem, considers the selection of a candidate for the position of spouse. Choose the first girl met, and chances are that there will be a better match out there somewhere in the world. Contemplate too long, and the happy marriage, though begun with an optimal spouse, will not endure for long as you will find yourself too far on in years and too close to death. There must be a sweet spot somewhere in the middle where enough women have been met to have become experienced enough to learn what is preferred while still being young enough to spend the rest of your life with the successful candidate!

Consider:

A store has just opened in New York City that offered free husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors to choose from. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the Sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 71,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that you are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

The despair of the marriage problem
Let me start by explaining that my own love is one which I ironically stumbled upon in high school after she and I had simultaneously dropped a chemistry class. At the ripe age of 17, I knew nothing of women or love, a condition which remains to this day. At time of writing, we have thoroughly enjoyed eight years together and have survived many calamities which life has presented.

What is troubling is that I have not followed the wisdom of the mathematical solution to the marriage problem, which is more or less to inspect the first n/e out of the n candidates and then choose the first one which exceeds all those seen so far. I had only experienced a few women. How could I be sure that there was not someone far better out there for me?

If love is so important and powerful, I want to get it right. I could not find a flaw in the optimal wife-selecting algorithm, and so this troubled me for some time. What to do then? Should I break it off just to gain more perspective? What if I discard the love of my life? This forced me to realize something very important about life.

A practical solution
If I am selecting numbers written on paper, then this mathematical thought experiment makes perfect sense. I should apply the proper theorem and maximize my chance of obtaining the largest number (the best wife). But when I thought about my own relationship, it did not seem so straightforward. If I choose a wife, is she just a 50 or a 63 or a 37? Surely, some women are better suited for me initially, but what happens next?

A wise man once told me of a great engineer who designed electrical circuits. Once the engineer designed and built his circuit, he flooded it with current until some part burst into smoke. That part would be improved and strengthened, and once again the circuit would be stressed. The final design was impervious to any likely source of damage; it was reliable and tested.

True love is not something to be happened upon. It is something to be designed, forged, stressed, and improved. True love is not waiting out there to be found. The love of your life is created after you have forged a relationship with a person who has put in as much effort as you have. Frequently, the design of love springs to smoke and it must be patched. But love becomes stronger for it.

Ripe fruit cannot be found in a world of seedlings. The love of your life must be built on foundation of tears and joy and framed with struggle and overcoming. It must be cried over, fought for, and lived for. And when people look in from the outside, they will wonder how you, so luckily, found the love of your life.